movement of realities: a note on grief

Photo Essay by Anusha Datta

Grief is an intimate experience. Everyone journeys this path differently. I wandered through a variety of coping mechanisms when I experienced loss more than once. While some may grieve in order to let go, I look at it as a process of recollecting and memorialising. After all, life is a journey in movement and impermanence. The nescient harps about the inevitability of Death, but the well acquainted will remind you of her distinct nature: unpredictable, unreasonable, and untimely.

In 2018, I photographed my maternal grandfather’s physicality as he grappled with Parkinson’s Disease. A visual narrative of the frail human body, the degeneration of muscles, weakening postures, and immobilisation.

It allowed me to explore a more personal narrative of remembering him; and the grip of his feeble hands holding onto mine. I wanted every inch of that feeling to be captured in an image that would remind me of him, even when he wouldn’t be around. His touch, the softness of his wrinkled skin, his frail limbs, the poky surface of his shaved chin, the dryness of his scalp, his pale, milky complexion, the surfacing of veins and the growing freckles on his forearms.

Nana Ji passed away at the beginning of this year, and as miserable and daunting the experience of loss is, it gave me a chance to revisit these photographs, to remember the loving grandfather he has been to me and my sister.

I remind myself that life is a consequence of movement. One that makes it a bubbling, shimmering, and crumbling experience. A journey, where death is our only point of stillness.

Additional note from artist:

In loving memory of Shiv Nath Kaul (1933-2021)

S.N. Kaul was born into a Pandit family in Srinagar, Kashmir. He studied Chemical engineering at Banaras Hindu University and joined BARC (Bhabha Research Centre) where he was part of a select group to be sent to the United States to study nuclear engineering. After receiving his Masters degree from Kansas State University, he joined the Heavy Water Board under department of Atomic Energy where he worked as part of a program developing heavy water enrichment technology with the aim of indigenous production to support the Indian Nuclear Power Program. Following an early retirement, he spent a large part of his time practicing Yoga and Homeopathy. He was known to have a keen spiritual inclination and was an avid reader of the teachings of Ramana Maharishi. He continued to be a tech enthusiast post retirement, and even had an interest in photography. Lastly, he is remembered as a doting grandfather, and I feel proud and honoured to have been inspired to create this series as a tribute to him.

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editor's note

Volume 10

contact | shadow | fringe

I’ve been reflecting on the theme for our tenth volume, a lovely milestone that coincides serendipitously with the warehouse’s tenth year, and how it feels apt for the moment we find ourselves in currently. The theme straddles a threshold. The movement from this side to the far side. It isn’t inherently accompanied by an emotion. And yet, I feel it suggests a sense of hopefulness. 

This isn’t in a vacuum but is influenced by two events that concern themselves with a tremendous threshold: our atmosphere and the expanse beyond it. I am referring to the successful flyby mission around the moon by the Artemis II and the release of the film “Project Hail Mary” (adapted from Andy Weir’s novel of the same name). These two events, coinciding in this manner, serve less as random happenstance and more as a reminder, as Carl Sagan said, “The Cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff.” A reminder that everything out there, is also everything in here. It serves as a reminder for hope that as we resume our exploration of the darkest depths of the universe, we must take that strength to step forward from our own personal shadows.

Shadows can be freeing. There is comfort in creating, expressing, and working without scrutiny or pressure or expectation. It has potential for great freedom, movement, and discovery. However, when the driving force isn’t exploration then it can be crippling and lead to paralysis. In those moments, “coincidental” events like these can be arresting and provide a sense of hope that the next step is all that matters. One step at a time soon becomes many past an imposing threshold. As we gather momentum, pressure is bound to build. It is here, with changed circumstances, that the intention must persevere. Learning the rules, allows the impact of breaking them to feel that much sweeter, but that isn’t necessary. Acting from pure instinct allows for an innate expression to present itself. It is balancing this, instinct versus experience, that proves vital to take experience into one’s stride with child-like instinct and intention.

Our focus, at imprint and G5A, on independent stories allows this freedom. It is something we work to preserve so that the experience of ten volumes and ten years, respectively, does not weigh us down but lifts us up through the shadows and into the expanse. This is not easy but it is simple. When you default to curiosity and wonder, it isn’t a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’.

We’re excited for Volume 10 and everything it will hold.